Yesterday, I was asked to give a speech in front of around 500 students for the first time in my life. To say I wasn’t scared would be an understatement. The first time jitters hit me when I started practising in front of a mirror. The only thought that kept recurring in my annoying little head was, “Do I always look this stupid when I talk?”
After practising the speech for hours- word by word- I decided to go and get some sleep. Unfortunately, my sleep was disturbed by a terrifying nightmare of me tripping on stage only to turn and find 300 faces giving me sad smiles whilst the rest looked totally uninterested.
I woke up in a jilt with sweat running down my face. This waivered my already non-existent confidence to somewhere far below ground level. If only I had it in me to wear courage as much as I used to wear my old favourite dress, I would have nothing to worry about. Once I got to the auditorium, they led me to a fancy place called the green room. All the fanciness made me more and more tensed.
T-10: When my name was called, I had butterflies in my tummy.
T-8: I kept a straight face and tried to walk straight without falling in front of all the scary gazes.
T-6: Once I got there, all I could think of was, “Damn. That was the longest distance that I’ve ever walked.”
T-4: I slowly took the mike from the podium, still having my gaze down and avoiding to look up at everyone.
T-2: My hand quivered at the thought of starting and, my mind went blank.
T-1: I took in a deep breath.
T-0: I let it out and finally mustered the courage to lookup.
It was scary to start, yet I did it anyway. That moment right there made me free of all the worries and, I spoke without the fear of being judged. Maybe all it takes is a little courage to take that first step/ say the first word/ send the first text to let everything else take its form.
That moment made me say goodbye to the fear of starting. (Technically, the process repeats itself every time and I’ve to give myself a good pep talk)
World of Jeana 