The Nervous Cut

I sat in the lobby, nervously fiddling with my fingers. I wanted to pace up and down to calm my nerves, but I did not want to draw any attention. My mind was as if a kid had scribbled on it till it turned black. I have been thinking of this moment for the past two months. It was easier to imagine this in my head than to go ahead with it. All my friends came with me and threw positive words my way, but I was somehow not able to catch any to comprehend them fully. I needed some time with myself to muster up the courage and go through with my decision. 

I took my thoughts in a time machine back to when I decided I had to do it. It was clear why I was worried. I was scared if there might be repercussions or if it would raise eyebrows when I passed by. Scratch scared. I was beyond terrified. It was one of the things I worked hard to groom. This uncertainty in my decision felt like jumping from a tall building with nothing below to cushion my fall. 

I could not handle the pressure of being crippled with fear anymore. It was the fear of making the wrong decision, the fear of upsetting people around me, the fear of failing, and most importantly, the fear of not being able to come to terms with my own decision. I knew taking this leap would help me feel empowered.  

I did not want to postpone it further because I knew someday I would have circled back to the same decision again. And, like a wise woman once said, “Jump then fall”. I jumped. I didn’t know if it would be cushions or the cold hard ground. But, I jumped without worrying about the fall. I took a deep breath and went ahead with my decision. It was one of the most exhilarating feelings ever. It felt like a weight lifted off my shoulder. Or wait, should I say my head? Ah yes! I told the hairdresser to finally chop off the long hair I had grown for the last two years. 

I came out to meet my friends, and I could see their proud eyes as I walked toward them. I struck a pose, and they knew instantly that the haircut lifted my spirits and helped me feel like myself again. I was someone who always had short hair, so it was not an easy task to grow it out. This one reason made it harder to decide if I should cut it or not. Anyways, it’s time for me to rock my short hair and feel happier than ever!