insecure

You have heard me talk about my insecurities haunting and keeping me up at night, but little do you know what they are. I let my mouth run when I’m nervous and leave you with secrets I never meant to share. You can be a stranger, and this can be oversharing, but that thought does not tell my brain to send a signal to stop my mouth from spilling. I keep going on and on and mention the word ‘insecurities’ and ‘fear’ a million times which is enough to make you run away in fright. Yet, you will never know these insecurities. 

1. The fear of being judged. 
2. Unable to please everyone. 
3. Running away and hiding in my room to not talk to anyone. 
4. Not indulging in any conversation online with friends. 
5. Not interested in things that excited me before. 
6. Being emotionally drained every 5 minutes. 
7. The past taunting me and worries about the future.  
8. Looking in the mirror and calling myself fat. 
9. The impulsive need to have a smaller circle. 
10. Not able to love myself like I used to. 

 All that I can say now is it is too early to let you in on my secrets. I stop myself because I cannot have a conversation with you so deep, only to be left emotionally drained and deepen my insecurities further. So let me have my space, and I will let you in on these secrets when it is time. Maybe not today or tomorrow. But one day, when we lay awake till 3 am and share our secrets under yellow lights, I might slip this in between nonchalantly. And, as we are both kept awake at night by my fears, we might grow closer.