She opened her Spotify app and picked her playlist named “where do I find men like this?” after plugging her phone through Bluetooth into her black matte Skoda Slavia, which she got solely because of its name as it sounded like a fictional country she would want to live in with her lover. Her routine was a fixed one every time she got into her car.
Song. Seatbelt. Mirrors. GPS. Time to move.
It was a bright sunny day in August with a slight breeze – the type of day you would want to wear a tank top with linen pants and go to a park to read ‘Funny Story’ by Emily Henry while sipping on freshly brewed iced coffee and a red velvet cupcake with cream cheese frosting that melts in your mouth and leaves a sweet after taste in your tongue.
That was what she did. She used to question herself – how can I sit alone in a crowded place? will someone judge me? can I do whatever I want in the watchful eyes of the public?
She has overcome this fear in the past few months by reassuring herself and stepping out into the world.
She took the long route to Cubbon Park to listen to the songs in her playlist and wondered in some corner of her mind – where do I find men like this? – all while trying to navigate the crazy roads of Bangalore.
If you haven’t noticed already, she is a hopeless romantic. She enjoys romanticising her life whilst searching for a guy like those written in the romance novels she reads. Every guy she has encountered so far has fallen short of her expectations.
an entry from her diary dated August 1st, 2024:
I have searched beyond borders and across oceans, but where or when will I find my man? In my imagination, he is tall and well-built, but it is beyond his physique that makes me search for him in real life. He takes turns with me to make each other a surprise breakfast every week and never forgets to add extra whipped cream to my pancakes with heart-shaped strawberries on the side. He remembers every tiny detail I yap about, even those from our mundane conversations, like how I like to sleep on the right side of the bed because the left side scares me. He knows how to make me smile and laugh when I feel tired after long days at work. He makes goofy expressions at me whenever I turn to look at him. He makes me mad enough to give me the feeling of pulling my hair off some days, but I annoy him with the same intensity as we are only human and have flaws. He stares at me in a way that makes my stomach summersault across the lawn, where there are a thousand butterflies. He always makes sure I walk on the safe side of the road. He has a kind heart that would break at the thought of hurting anyone. He is smart and has a way of life. He gives me the best hugs, and I would never want to pull away from him because I love how my face fits perfectly into the nook of his shoulder. He gives the sweetest compliments and the most thoughtful gifts. He takes secret glances at me when I am not looking. He pushes me to be the best version of myself and supports me in whatever I do. He lights up a scented candle for me on my self-care days and lets me rejuvenate. He gives me a daisy every time we meet to show what we have is true love. He is everything in my dreams, and I would do everything for him. BUT WHERE DO I GO TO FIND HIM??
As her playlist almost concludes, she pulls into the parking lot and takes a deep breath. One day, I am going to find the man of my dreams. She reassures herself. These days, life needs a lot of reassurance to get through it.
She turns off the car’s engine, picks up her phone and bag from the passenger seat, and steps out of her Slavia into the magical garden where she can go to romanticise her life. All she had to do was pick up her book, enter the world of romance and live through it vicariously.
World of Jeana 